Friends

I hate that I haven't really made any real friends here in Missouri yet. I'm usually social butterfly, so this is not the norm for me. I haven't really been out at all really either. It's really frustrating. I feel like I am missing out on my youth (yes, Even though I am a mommy I am STILL ONLY 22!) I need to get out, make some friends, have plans for the weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I love being with Emma all day, 24/7, but I really feel like its easy to loose yourself in all that. Its just incredibly easy to just see one person, Mommy, and never MISSY.

I think once I start working Ill make some friends. I mean, its inevitable. Until then, I feel like time is flying by, and pasting so fast that I am missing out on the fun I could be having. For awhile I would dwell on Alex, and our relationship, completely indulge myself in it, and smother myself. I liked it, but now that is said in done, I wish I would have attempted to go out more. I want FRIENDS. I want people I can talk to, who aren't far away (like ALL my friends)

I want people that I can say, hey, Lets run to starbucks together! Or, I realllllly want to see this movie, wanna hang on friday??

I miss that soooo much. I used to sit in my living room and watch Grey's Anatomy with my friends. They all would come over, Id make a dinner, or cook some ordeurves and we would sit and have a great time. God I miss that! My good friend Ashley brought that up yesterday while we were chatting. She was saying how much she missed that. :(

I would have friends come over and swim... we would lay out, go shopping, have dinner, do typical girl stuff. I once called all my friends over to swim at 12am. I called it "midnight swimming" and everyone got of their beds on a weeknight, came over and we went for a dip!

It was so fun. I miss fun nights like that. For my sanity, I need nights like that.

I want to have girl time. Men are not on the top of my list, or even close to making my list... but it would be fun to go out on harmless dates! I haven't gone on a REAL date in forever!!

Other than the date I went on that I didn't think was REALLY a date. I want some excitement in my life. The only excitement in my life currently is when The Hills is on and thats on Monday nights. lol

I love having Emma, and I love every moment with her, but I feel like I need to do this for myself. I can't be consumed and wrapped up in this "perfect mommy" syndrome anymore. I have to do things for MYSELF.

There is nothing wrong with going out occasionally. Nothing.

I just need to take that step.