What are you ready for?

I used to think I was ready for marriage. Maybe I am not. Maybe I want to be single, and it just be me and Emma. I am happy with that. Maybe getting married is way to early to even think about in my life. I am not sure.

I want to date around. Be single- Don't get committed yet. Have fun. I'm sick of looking for love, or trying to find love in someone. I could see myself marrying Alex. I really could. Besides Edel, he is the only person I got close enough to feel those feelings for. Apparently the New York lifestyle got the better of him. I was always ok when he would go out. I never wanted him to stay cooped up at home. The constant drinking and partying was getting alittle annoying though. I felt like everything had to be all about him.

I could see myself in New York with him, but I wonder if he would be happy leaving that lifestyle.

Who knows?

Anyways- thats beyond the point. I made it official two days ago that we are not getting back together, so I really should stop thinking about him in general. Hes not the one for me. I deserve honesty. Something he never has been able to give me. I'm sure he loves his life now that he doesn't have to lie to his gf about what he's doing. I am sure he was out partying lastnight, and loving every minute of it.

and you know, its alright. I'm ok, not that he cares.. but I really don't care anymore either way.
I am going to have a good week. I am going to get away, and just enjoy myself.