Wednesday, April 8, 2009

5 days!

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Just five days and I will be in Chicago. Even though I am not too excited about the inlaws seeing Emma ( I get major anxiety when I am away from her ) I am just trying to make the best of it. I am so worried about carseat safety with them, becuase so many times I have caught them driving around Emma WITHOUT a carseat, or one installed improper. His mom has assured me that they will indeed be safe, etc. and as much as I wish I could not allow Emma to go ANYWHERE without me, I am giving in this time, and trusting them with the most precious thing in my life- which is so hard to do!

I wish I never had to deal with sharing her at all with anyone. I have raised her myself, and have been in her life from the start... When Edel hasn't.

I wish I didn't have to have him in my life, but there is no changing it now, and I wouldn't take anything back EVER.

During my Chicago stay I should be comforted because I will be with my sister, and Ricardo is coming. We are going to go to Indiana together, so hopefully I can get my mind on other things, I am sure everything will be okay, I am just having pre jitters about giving anyone any control of my LIFE. (which is what she is to me)

Mothers are supposed to worry, right?

Everyone keeps telling me that a break will be nice for me, etc. but I don't want/or need one. I want to be with my baby ALL the time!! This will be a break before the new salon opens- and at that point I will be working working working.

I am going to miss staying home with Emmy <3>