Thursday, January 20, 2011

Single Motherhood


I was reading a facebook status of a friends, when I saw someone comment something degrading/looking down upon single mother parenting.

This really bothered me. I am a single mother, and I don't feel like Emma has been a deprived child. Yes, having a "family unit" is ideal, but can't a woman swing this by herself? Emma has male role models in her life (my dad, my brother) and has the family unit. My family is really close. The only thing Emma complains about missing out on is having siblings.

This breaks my heart ... shatters it actually. Is it normal for me to want more children, but not necessarily want a husband? I feel so sure about having another baby, but when it comes to tying the knot I am turned completely off. Whats wrong with me?

One of the people I look up to is my grandfather. He is such a great man. He was a single dad and has made his children his life. Once us grandchildren came along he made us his world too. He has lived a very fulfilling life without getting remarried.

I can see myself doing that.  I am independent. Career driven. I'm selfish. I like being in control. My child is my life. My sister may argue that children eventually will leave you. Did I mention she has none? I know someday I will have an empty nest. I realize that.

People might see me as "alone"... but I don't feel it. Maybe this is a phase. Maybe I will fall head over heels, get married, and giggle at this post one day. Maybe I don't know the difference, because frankly, I have been single for most of my life. I was with someone who was never there, and then dated men whom I didn't even live in the same state as. Am I a commitment phoebe, or have I kept setting myself up to be with people who weren't 'there'? Maybe me wanting to never get married stems from something even deeper.

I'll let you know what I find out.