I once again have been absent to this blog. So much has been going on in my life! I can honestly say I have been sitting looking at this blank screen for about 20 minutes, numb to where to begin. I do not know where to start, what to say, what not to say... The title of this blog is "New Book" because I am not starting a new chapter; I am starting a new EVERYTHING.
Life has been... whats the word? Busy? .. Lots of things happening.. many good, some tragic. I have to say this past month has probably been the most challenging month of my life. It has been a month full of emotion. Thankfully, I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is going wonderfully well, regardless of our challenging economy.
Most of the challenges I have been faced with have been my relationships with people, and events. The challenges I am facing are truly not self inflicting. I seem to be "along for the ride" in many of the cases. I wish I could get more into what I am referring to, but at this point I have to move on, and not dwell on it.
That being said; here I sit drinking coffee, and sharing a peanut butter and honey sandwich with Emma. Today she has the day off, so we have been lazy, doing alot of nothing, which is soothing my soul. I don't know where I would be in this life without her. Emma is so unbelievably talented at stealing my heart. She is the light in my life.
This past year has been rewarding in the fact I have so many new people into my life who truly have impacted me. More importantly, my faith has grown, and in the lowest of lows I have been, it is what has kept me going. I have never in my life been to a point that I truly count on faith. Yes, faith has always been a big deal... but never have I completely fallen back on it.
The past few years I have lived in limbo. I have been waiting on certain answers, and now that I finally have them I feel like I am a bird ready to break free of its cage. I have been putting others ahead of myself for far too long, and at this point I am ready to put my wants and my needs first.
I have had some amazing people come into my life this past year. I have had alot of fun, and alot of great life experiences. I have left a job, went in a new direction... I have had huge hopes up for certain things, only to be let down.. I have received countless tragic news to the point I almost don't even want to answer my telephone.
I want to go away. I want to take Emma on a cruise, and just get away from everything. I am ready to start focusing on my new book. I do not like the town I live in. I am so thankful for the blessings God has given us while here, but do not feel this is where God wants me to be.
December for me is going to be a month of soul searching. I need to figure out where love takes me.. where my sense of adventure wants to take me..and where new opportunities take me. I want a fresh start. I don't have anything here to run from, but I want to settle down. I want to live in a community that Emma can grow up in. I want to be somewhere I have chosen. Not somewhere I have gone to follow family, but somewhere I would like to live. Here, there is no hispanic culture. This has always been a deal breaker for me.. which I know, is only my fault for buying a house here, knowing that. I settle alot.
I have always thought of myself who refuses to settle... But most of the decisions I make are a result of me settling for what others want. I am always trying to please people. The last few years I take full responsibility for all my choices... moving here.. being so indecisive when it comes to making decisions.
Finally I feel like I am on a path. My path. I am going to continue to do the things I love, surround myself with those I love, and most importantly, I am opening a new book... I am so ready !
I have already started de cluttering my life. I no longer have a junk drawer.. bad friends.. or will allow negative events shake me. I am going to surround myself with great friends, and my family.
Here are my only resolutions for 2012:
Sell my house
Start new :)